Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Night Owl

I spent many of my daylight hours on Sunday and Monday catching up on sleep. I didn't even realize that I was sleep-deprived, but in any case, I spent Sunday sleeping to prepare for my night of work Sunday night. I woke up nice and refreshed, noticed that some freezing rain was starting, stowed Otto in his crate, went out to my car, and in the process of getting into it, went right down on my tailbone. Ouch. For as klutzy as I am, I have never taken a direct hit to the tailbone like that, and the pain was (and still is, when I move a certain way) intense.

I made it through my shift okay (albeit moving very gingerly) and headed home to "nap." Except for my nap lasted from about 10 AM until 7 PM. Ooops. This is when I realized I might have been sleep deprived. And life has been a roller coaster ride ever since. When one wishes to spend a night sleeping, it is best for one not to take a nine-hour nap during the day. Just saying...

I am sure you can see where this is going. I have not yet gotten back on track. I stayed up until 3 AM Monday night, watching TV (Mary Poppins on ABCFamily took me through the first part of that, and then the DVR took me through the rest). I then slept until 6 AM and was up when Bill got up. I went back down to "nap" at 10 AM, and I slept until 2 PM. I headed to work at Bath and Body Works, got home about 9 PM...and stayed up until 1 AM again, reading (Crazy Aunt Purl's book) and knitting and watching more TV. And then I was up at 4 AM today, and here I sit, in front of the computer screen, thanking God that I have plans all day until 9 PM that leave no room for one of those so-called naps...and maybe, just maybe, I will sleep a full night tonight. I should get back on track just in time to head back into a stretch of night shifts...wouldn't you know?

Anyhoo, I woke up this morning at 4 AM when my husband rolled over and let out a loud snort. I must not have been sleeping very soundly because I was having a very vivid and realistic dream, and when I came to, I remembered every detail of it. And it was a weird dream...although not as weird as some I have had. I tend to have dreams that are not realistic at all, just weird. At least this one was more on the realistic side of things.

Except for the main character is someone who has been dead for many years.

So maybe not so realistic.

Anyway, I know you are just itching for details. Before I met Bill, I dated someone named Bob. We met when we were running summer day camp programs, and we dated for less than a year. However, we continued to work together for a while after that, and we remained friends. Bob was taken from us suddenly after being diagnosed with leukemia a little over five years ago. It was a devastating loss, and he left behind a young daughter, a loving family, and many friends. His death was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through.

Last night, I dreamed that he was alive.

Well, that isn't really accurate. In my dream, he was still dead. However, he had returned to earth for his annual holiday visit. We knew that he was no longer alive. But he was real and there and standing in front of us, and we were hanging out and spending time together and talking...and it seemed very normal. It was just like old times, except for the fact that I was still married and living up here in the mountains in this dream. But he and his brothers and I were hanging out at the same places we used to.

Some of the details of the dream were very odd. For example, we were driving around in a white Plymouth Grand Voyager, circa 1995, with tires that were bulging with weak spots and an expired inspection sticker. His stepmom was planning to try to have a baby in the new year, even though her youngest son right now is 21. And his dad and stepmom were renovating their living room by relocating their floor-to-ceiling mirrors with gold trim from the wall behind their TV to the wall with the fireplace on it. In real life, they live in a nice older home with beautiful woodwork and molding, and there are no floor-to-ceiling mirrors to be seen.

But the nice thing in the dream was that I was able to see him and talk to him again. I sometimes think it would be so nice if there would be some way that God could install AOL in heaven so we could IM our loved ones in the Great Beyond. Even better would be these annual holiday visits...a way to reconnect that wouldn't make death so final. But of course, this is not I guess we just have to wait for those we have lost to visit us in our dreams.

I woke up to face another day of the day-to-day crap that goes on in life. We are expecting snow YET AGAIN, and my bank account is getting low, and the laundry is piling up, and I have to go buy dog food today. But in sleep, I had a visit from an old friend that I haven't seen in a while...and remembering him puts all that other stuff in perspective.

Now, I just hope I can sleep tonight...

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