This weekend, we hosted a birthday party for Bill's older son at our house. This was the day after my bachelorette party (whose unfortunate end included me vomiting on a complete stranger in the bar...and that's all I want to say about that), and I didn't know how well I would be handling it. It ended up going fine, after a bit of a rough morning. I rallied, however, which is good because my mom was planning to take a picture that day to go in our signature mat frame that we will be using for our wedding in JUST 18 DAYS!!!
Bill and I were dressed in our Sunday finest...he in his Browns' jersey (Tim Couch, although he is no longer a Brown) and I in my Giants' jersey (Tiki Barber is my imaginary boyfriend). And we decided to pose up on the hill with our backs to the woods to have our picture taken. This is what one of those pictures looked like (let me say right here that it pains me to post this photo, but I think it's important for me to do so for reasons I will get to momentarily):
When I saw this picture, all I could think was, "When did I get so fat?" I look as if there is an entire spare tire resting around my waist. I look like a Weeble...or Humpty Dumpty. I certainly don't look like the person I see in my mirror every morning. Well, apparently, mirrors lie. However, photos tell a horrifying truth.
It was like a kick in the gut to look at this picture. I haven't stepped on the scale in a while because I have known that I would not like what I would see. I haven't been watching my eating at all, in spite of the fact that I am getting married IN 18 DAYS!!! Instead, I have been continuing my usual rather self-destructive pattern of living to eat, instead of eating to live.
Add to that awful wake-up call the fact that I picked up my wedding dress on Monday. I LOVE my dress, and in it I feel like a princess. It looks good on me as well, even though I am a little wider across the beam than I would like. But I think it would look even better if I could depuff a little and look a little less uncomfortable standing in it in front of the mirror. So off I went to Barnes and Noble, to buy some of those little pocket calorie count books, as well as a new food journal. I came home and dug out my Weight Watchers Points counter and food companion guide, and I have begun counting Points once again. I stepped on the scale this morning, and while the number wasn't as high as I feared, I can't believe I have let myself get to this point...and I can't wait to gain some control over it.
I cropped the picture and blew it up a bit to make it signature mat-ready. And there won't be any evidence of all that extra weight that I am carrying around when people see that picture. As for me? I will carry that picture with me to remind me that the mirror may be lying...but that photo certainly isn't.
It's a powerful lesson...now, just to learn from it.