I appreciate what my friends and family are trying to do when they tell me things like, "He's an ass. What a moron. He doesn't deserve you. You are better off without him." Really, I do. But you know what? That doesn't help. I can't be bitter. I won't be bitter. Twenty years from now, I don't still want to be stuck in this place where This Man ruined my life and wasted five years of my 20s and Did Me Wrong.
It's amazing to me how women, when one of us is Wronged, circle the wagons and share all the reasons that we thought he was a tool or a schmoe or a moron or whatever little "pet" name we can come up with for the commitmentphobe that broke our friend's heart. HOW DARE HE? He is throwing away an amazing, wonderful, better-than-he-will-ever-get-again woman! And she is one of our friends! He must be hated! By all women, everywhere. Women of the world, UNITE! We will take down this heartbraker!
Really, Bill is no different today than he was on April 8, which was the day before The Day. He is still a tall guy who loves his kids, isn't quite sure what he wants out of life, has adorable dimples when he smiles, knows how to give a real hug, makes me laugh, and is fun to be around. He is still someone I have a lot of love for. He is not The Enemy. He will never be The Enemy. The only thing he isn't right now is My Boyfriend. And that's okay.
When my relationship ended, I was quickly laying the road of blame, and I was laying it right up to his front door. HE didn't give me what I wanted. HE couldn't make a decision about where we were going. HE was making plans that I didn't want to be a part of. HE didn't know if he wanted to have kids. HE wasn't communicating with me!
Well, you know what? I wasn't communicating with him either. I didn't tell him he was making plans I didn't want to be a part of. I didn't tell him what I wanted. And he had made it known for well over a year that he wasn't sure about having more kids. I didn't listen...I didn't want to hear him. I wanted a magic wand to come along someday and magically wave all these problems away.
It comes down to this...life is not an easy journey. However, you only get one shot, and regretting what you have done before will lodge that bitterness right there in your throat and cause you to miss out on so much. That's why I can't blame Bill for what happened and hang on to every little thing he did wrong during the five years together. Because he is still a great guy. And maybe someday in the future, we will end up back together. But even if that doesn't happen, I won't be bitter. Life is too short, and it takes two to tango. And it takes two to stop tangoing too.